HEY BULLIES – NO MORE HALVES!
Research shows that half of us have experienced some sort of bullying at one point in our lives. HALF … that to me is frightening. That to me is unacceptable. That to me is reality because I am in the “bullied at one point half” statistic.
There are many things you bring with your from your childhood into your adult years. Things like traditions, connections, good memories, bad memories, successes, failures, hard lesson and aha moments. It is these that help to shape who we are as adults.
My childhood was filled with lots of wonderful, shaping experiences like skateboarding around Montauk Lighthouse, clamming with my dad on Fire Island, riding bikes with my brother and sister around our Oakdale community, daydreaming about living in one of the South Shore mansion estates, eating lobster at the Snapper Inn, and sneaking around at the Vanderbilt mansion with my lifelong “blood brothers”. It’s these things I loved about my childhood. It is these things I enjoy remembering and sharing in my adult years.
As we are in the midst of anti-bullying month, I recall something else that shaped me – bullies from my childhood. They looked like regular kids on the outside. On the inside they had this need to have negative power over other kids – over me. They were good at bullying. They found my weakness – something that would greatly bother me – and exploited that for their own benefit.
My dad was an aerospace director – an orderly and methodical man. In first grade, he taught me how to bind my school books, papers and folders into a neat and organized bundle. I took pride and satisfaction over the years in my ability to keep my bundle orderly and structured. This skill of organization became part of my identity (a skill that helps me today as a custom home builder).
The bullies saw my neat books as a target – something of mine they could destroy to get to me. And get to me it did. They found it entertaining to continuously try to knock my carefully arranged-just-so books and papers out of my hands. All the while taunting and laughing at me.
These bullies continued to choose me and my books to pick on for half of the school year. Then I did something to stop it – stop them. I talked to my mom about it and she told me to look one of them, the one who looked like the ring-leader, straight in the eyes and say “you don’t scare me anymore.” Whether the right or wrong way of handling this, I did her old-school way and they never bothered me again.
I learned a powerful life lesson that day that I have brought forward into my adult years. A lesson that I have shared with my own children – kids can have power and strength and they don’t have to accept the role of victim to anyone. There are steps kids can take to get out from under bullying. Had there been more awareness of bullying back then, I would have had the tools to do something sooner to stop it. This experience, although terrible going through it as a kid, helped me find my personal power and shaped a piece of me for life. I was never bullied again. And I joined the fight against bullying by watching out of a few other kids who were being bullied at my school.
Bullying is absolutely negative. It is hurtful, and cruel. It preys on the outliers and the differences between us. For me, I was different simply due to my neat pile of books.
Cyberbullying is the new kind of bullying – it’s old-school bullying on steroids. It is far reaching – everywhere – permeating all social media platforms. It is digging deeper and wider than ever before. For many of our youth, this bullying from all sides of life has become too much to bear. Some are taking drastic measures to get it to stop. This is heart-wrenching and it’s time to do something big about it. Collectively we have the power to smash the statistics – no more halves.
Parents empower your children.
Parents, please educate your children on what they can do to empower themselves. Bullying is a monster to get our arms around, but get our arms around it we must. The schools are doing their share to address bullying – but much more can be done. Let’s do our share as a nation. Let’s do our share as a community. Let’s do our share at home.
Slow down and listen to your children. Let them know you are a safe place to tell anything. If they tell you something, don’t brush it off as kids being kids – check it out. Talk to the school. Talk to the parents and the children involved in any incidents that arise. Role play with your children on how to handle difficult situations. Pay attention to your child’s activities on social media. Visit your child’s school and let the other kids see you being an involved parent. Empower your children.
What someone can do who’s being bullied?
- Stand up for themselves. Say a loud and assertive “stop!”
- Walk away.
- Keep a safe distance from specific individuals.
- Make social media accounts private.
- Block specific individuals from texting, calling or messaging.
- Stay around your friends for safety in numbers.
- Don’t blame themselves.
- Don’t keep it to themselves.
- Tell an adult.
- Tell a school official.
- Take a self defense or assertiveness class.
- Meet with a child counselor.
- Read about assertiveness and bully prevention.
- Tell the police.
Please join me in taking a stand against bullying.
It is my biggest wish that everyone take a stand with me and my family against bullying. I’ve been on that side of the coin, and I did something about it. If you see something, if you experience something – say something, do something about it. Let all the bullies of the world know – not this kid or any kid…anymore… period!
Recent Comments